I’m not one that makes new Years Resolutions. I think I did once when I was younger but I quickly realised waking up into a new calendar year really felt no different to waking up any other time of the year and so the novelty wore off pretty quickly.
Which is why it caught me kind of off guard tonight, or rather this morning, as its currently 1am. This funny sinking feeling that wormed its way through me some time after midnight. As always I went and kissed my kids Happy New Year – they aren’t the partying type. My son, bless his heart, smiled at me and went to sleep and as always, my daughter who always insists she wants to wake up for the party at midnight is unrousable – she is a very heavy sleeper. SO I decided I might as well do her finger-prick test now and get some sleep (for those who haven’t been following she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a month ago). I went through the routine that is now automatic. That was when I felt it start. I checked her numbers, 8.1 – I would like them to be a little higher so I could get a few more hours sleep, so resign myself to getting up again in 4 hrs to check again. There it is. sitting there in the pit of my stomach – seeping its way through the rest of my body.
I don’t know what I was expecting, like this New Year would somehow be different to every other New Year. Perhaps this one was special. Perhaps this one really would be a fresh start and all the bad things would disappear. But sadly, life isn’t a Disney movie and I think tonight I realised this was the first New Years of forever with diabetes…
But there is one thing that I have always said when people ask me about my New Years resolutions; I don’t need a New Year to start afresh – each day comes with the promise of new beginnings and new opportunities. So while the reality may have hit hard today that I won’t have a day without diabetes hanging over my little girls head in the near future there is always hope for a cure. And if not a cure then we will just have to continue pursuing every day with the promise of new beginnings and new opportunities
Wishing you all every success and happiness, not just in 2014 but in each and every new day.